Loss

Losing something can be very frustrating. Losing SOMEONE can be devastating.
I recently learned this as my father passed away the day after Thanksgiving. I have been in ministry for over thirty years walking with families and individuals through some very dark days. On many occasions offering prayers and scriptures for support and encouragement for the grieving. Understanding my role in their lives to be one of pastor and friend, I often gave advice on how to walk through the coming months and years without a family member or friend. I found scripture to give a hope for the future while wrestling with the grief of today.
Then it happened.
After caring for my father for four-and-a-half years, he passed away. Those years were very tough at times and lonely. Being a severe diabetic, my father suffered a total of seven strokes. He quickly went from living alone to being in a skilled nursing facility. I can remember countless therapy sessions as he always wanted me there. I think I could have been a therapist after all the many hours watching and learning. I saw him struggle with his balance and performing the simplest of tasks. Many times I wanted to jump in and complete the task but was held at bay by the therapists.
I remember feeding him, changing his clothes, cleaning him, and making sure he had everything he needed. I wanted to see that his every need was met and that he had every opportunity for improvement. As I watched him struggle I noticed the improvement was less and less. I knew the day was coming when there would be no more therapy.
Two of his joys were going on long rides in the country and eating strawberry malts. Wherever we went he was always up for a strawberry malt or milkshake. I think I gained about fifteen pounds!
As he was declining the trips became fewer and fewer. His participation in therapy waned. The malts went uneaten. Then the news I dreaded came from the neurologist. News I didn't want to hear but was inevitable. He wasn't going to get any better. He was dying.
His decline was swift. I prayed for God to be merciful. On Friday after Thanksgiving I received a call that his vital signs were dropping. I had spent about four hours with him on Thanksgiving Day even though he had slipped into a comma. I wanted to be with him when he died. I couldn't imagine him dying alone. I had made sure just days before to have a conversation concerning his condition. I wanted to ensure that he knew he didn't have long on this earth and that he had peace with God.
At 1:16pm Friday, November 28, 2014 he passed away at the age of 76. I was holding his hand when he took his last breath. I combed his hair, shaved and washed his face in those final moments.
I lost my father.
We didn't have the best relationship through the years but something had changed during those last four years. Hurt was still prevalent and apologies would never be heard. The past was to be as it was. Many of my questions will go unanswered. I must come to terms with how things will be. I will try to focus on the good things and the long rides while sipping on a strawberry milkshake.